Beneath The Surface
by faux.fiction
Summary: AU Set After 6x12. A little sense of normalcy for a Post-it married couple; from their professional lives to personal matters and the blurry lines in between.
1. An Empty Space

_A/N : So here's my first fic. Ever. Please go easy on me. This story is basically set after 6x12 "I Like You So Much Better When You're Naked" and takes a few steps forward to a few weeks. It's about the near end of Derek's role as interim chief and how his brief stint affected him and Mer. To clear a few things, Richard just suddenly disappeared after the last episode, clearly taking Derek's cold treatment as a wake up call. This will most probably end up as a oneshot or twoshot, conceived by my desire to see Mer and Der handle with something eventually inevitable, with, well, um, a sense of normalcy that they often lack (hello, Post-it wedding). Read and review. That's the standard procedure. I'll stop talking now._

Chapter 1: An Empty Space

_There's an empty space in the bed. _

That was all Meredith Grey could think about as she lay in the dark room, clad in her favorite red robe. Usually, a chatty figure would occupy the left side of her queen sized bed, snuggling against her; she even found it oddly endearing that a person who stands for hours in the OR poking at people's brains could even muster small talk in soft cushions that trumpeted sleep.

He would go on about his patients, often finding a way to put themselves in their shoes; of how, unlike this couple, they would never go to the Space Needle only to see the other fall over a flight of stairs and suffer from a subdural hemorrhage; or of how this cute little girl with an aneurysm he had operated on looked just like her.

It made her smile. But looking at the well-made sheets pushed her deeper into contemplation. Her chatty husband still wasn't home—and hasn't been for two days. And as much as she doesn't want to admit it, she missed him badly.

Ever since Derek took over as Chief of Surgery, they barely had a minute's worth of decent conversation. Now he was caught up with administrative duties and follow-ups for their recent clinical trial. A few weeks ago, he was there, sleepy, yes, but mumbling about something incoherent…or was it just her exhaustion filtering her husband's gab? _Crap. _She mumbles, and then lets out an audible chuckle in spite of herself. _I'm covered in wifey._

True, she was Dark and Twisty inside. But Derek Shepherd lets out what her 'person' calls "mushy domesticatedness." And strangely enough, she loved it.

_You have changed._

_Cristina_, she thought. There's this undercurrent of happiness she'd learned to detect from her best friends' snide comments, and again, it made her smile.

Like other married couples, though, Post-it or otherwise, arguments, misunderstandings and such are inevitable. Like the one they had the day before he officially became interim chief. That one culminated in a hot, steamy kiss but the most recent one left a bitter wedge and lingered on. They agreed to discuss it when they finally had the time. With a slight pang, they carried on with Post-it marital bliss…

_It was lunchtime at Seattle Grace Mercy West. _

_They were both extremely busy but they found a way to spend a brief twenty minutes in Derek's office, enthusiastically chatting about their colleagues; or at least Derek was. _

_He noticed a change in his wife's demeanor. She hasn't been herself lately, he thought. So he tried to lighten the mood._

"_You should talk to Cristina about Owen," he chuckles, "Do you know that he calls you two the 'Twisted Sisters'?"_

_Meredith wasn't paying attention. And she was fidgeting with her wrist watch again. He was about to say something but as if on cue, "Richard has been calling me," She blurted out of the blue._

Her brow furrowed at the memory.

A few minutes later, the alarm clock flashed midnight. _I should get some sleep. _Sitting up ever so slowly to prevent the inevitable spinning of the room, she stood up thankfully without the urge to hurl into the toilet, for the nth time today. Meredith walked across the room and closed the door.

When she got back to bed, her phone suddenly vibrated.

_Incoming Call: Derek_

Grinning ear to ear, she immediately put on the receiver, "Hello?"

"Hey," a soft raspy voice sang.

"Hey," was all she could say, what with the exhaustion and the lingering migraine.

"Sorry, if I didn't drop by the lounge before you left," Derek sighed. "I was caught up with the board. How are you?" He seemed tired, worn-out even, but his voice never failed to send shivers down her spine.

"Mmmmm..Imfine," she garbled. A soft chuckle answered her back.

"I see. It's late. You should get some sleep," he said, before hesitantly adding, "Sorry again for what happened last night. I knew I should've…"

"Der," she cut him. "We will talk about this." _Among other things. _"I'm fine. I have the morning off tomorrow. Just finish whatever you need to finish." She added, the last sentence a little sharper than she intended.

"Okay."

"'Kay"

"Good night."

"G'night"

"I'll see you in the morning."

"''Kay"

"I love you, Mer." There it was. There came that sweet, inevitable remark, and she once again, found herself swooning.

Feeling squeamish, she hung up and rolled to her side, silently preparing herself for tomorrow's confrontation._ No rambling, unless you want to make it as awkward as it already is…_

Part of being all bright and shiny included open communication with your husband, she thought. This could be easy for them. _If only things weren't so complicated._

She sighed. Tomorrow was the day she would finally tell him. He was getting worried and guilty as it is. Meredith looked over the nightstand, and there it was; a white stick with two pink lines. _People's exhibit A, _she thought bitterly, before sleep and exhaustion took over her.

Right now, it was just her and the empty space.

* * *

_---A/N So there. First fic. YAY for me! Again, it could probably be a twoshot, but with the right reviews,*hint, hint* I might try to squeeze my brain to expand the fic or seriously continue it altogether. I'm open to possibilities; like say, giving this fic away? I'm always dead busy and this fic has been rotting in my PC for like -ever. Well, it depends on how I'm convinced. Thanks for reading :]  
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	2. All You Wanted

_A/N: I'm back. I was particularly surprised to see fairly quick reviews (thanks a lot) and I couldn't help but grin in spite of myself— and the mountain load of work I have to finish thanks to the final quarter back in school. Might I add, while I'm writing this, I have an Algebra test tomorrow; and preliminary exams the following week. Great. Just greeeeat. But I couldn't resist writing the second chapter. You could call this creative channeling, but hey, my psych books call it plain procrastination. Either way, I' m really enjoying myself with this whole fiction thing. HA. Take that, Quadratic Equations._

_Anyways, chapter two is about Derek. Chief Derek. It's in his POV and it takes place the day before the first chapter. So these two chapters are actually like a prologue of some sorts. I just wanted to show you guys a glimpse of what this story would touch on, eventually (insert some rants on my ridiculous schedule and workload), starting a background of how they're feeling. I hope you'll be patient with me on this one__. _

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**Chapter 2: All You Wanted**

Resident's schedule rotations, budgetary meetings, wooing the_ board_, tweaking the _OR board_ and cranky doctors complaining about a shortage in OR time (_or was it just Dr. Yang?_). Oh, did he mention the meetings?

That was Derek Shepherd, Chief of Surgery rambling inwardly to himself about what the last 24 hours had brought him, and by the looks of it, what's in store for him in the next few days.

_ Where the hell does a decent surgery fit into this equation_? He thought out loud. Apparently, the computer screen wasn't offering much of an enthusiastic response as it now showed another memo to _another_ meeting. He groaned. _Owen Hunt is having all the fun_. There was plentiful carnage in the pit this morning thanks to a car accident down the freeway that triggered a pileup. And right now, Dr. Hunt gets to savor the left-overs, which means a lot of blunt traumas that need surgery. Possibly a lot of blunt _head_ traumas. But even if the temptation to cut open someone's brain was overwhelming, he'd learned how to handle the longing. After all, it had been weeks, _months, even, _since he was appointed interim chief of surgery. In fact, people barely acknowledged the _interim _part, giving it a more concrete sense of permanence.

Even with what was considered a short time by many in the post, he'd come up with the conclusion that the administrative and supervisory aspects of being chief made his job far from the actual dream he had; Of having extended OR time, teaching young doctors who gravitated to neuro and even directing his own fellowship. Truth be told, he was missing the clinical trial he and Meredith had. It was, by all means, grueling, but it made him a renowned surgeon. It made them the 'stuff of legends.'

_ Meredith, _he thought. At least she was there, no matter what, even if she called him McAss sometimes— he could live with that; annoyed Meredith is much cuter anyways, not that he would ever admit it. He smiled his McDreamy smile as he recalled all the little things she'd done over the past weeks; sweet little things that magnified in meaning and significance since Meredith expressed herself buoyantly in those tiny gestures like bringing him coffee and his favorite pillow from home.

He missed the times when he could still wait for her shift to end and they could head home together, engaging in homely, boring activities to well…_extra curricular activities._

Homely and boring with Meredith sounded really appealing to him right now. At least he could chide her about the interesting surgeries she gets to scrub in on. He held on to these seemingly vicarious moments Mer likes to tease him about; little did she know that it was what gets him through a day of Chiefly duties.

Still, that didn't sugarcoat the fact that Hunt was literally marching from one back to back surgery to another while he was stuck tending to 'administrative duties' otherwise known as blasted paperwork. A mountain load of blasted paperwork.

_ I didn't know being chief sucked the high out of surgery, _he sighed. Suddenly an unwelcome thought crossed his mind as Meredith's voice came ringing down on his head, _"Richard has been calling me."_

What she said on that fateful lunch date together made him freeze. It took him back to when Richard Webber, his mentor for more than 20 years had disappeared into thin air, leaving him with the extra baggage of guilt wondering if he had acted out on pure ambition and really betrayed his friend. _The damage is done, Derek. _He concluded_._ But still, a decent conversation with his mentor would make things much better. If he could just clear himself to Richard and to his colleagues that what he had done was for the good of more people…

But Meredith hadn't brought up the topic yet. She never mentioned Richard since that afternoon, and it tears him into two speculations, it could be a friendly update or worse, he could be tugging on Meredith's sleeve again to get back on him. He didn't want to think about the latter; considering his will to patch his relationship with Richard. But he wouldn't let anyone use Meredith that way. _Ever._

Meanwhile, the deadpan clock on his computer's dock announced it was lunchtime and sure enough, a soft knock pulled him out of his trance.

"Derek?" His wife's soft voice was all he needed to ease the absence of those 10 hour craniotomies.

"Come in, dear."

"Hey." She looked tired and stoic, but the salads, bottles of water and two cups of coffee were enough reason for him to grin.

"Hey," he smiled, pushing other concerns out the window, "I thought you were on Hunt's service today. Why aren't you joining the trauma-rama he's leading?"

Meredith regarded him with disbelief, "Trauma-rama? Seriously?"

"Yeah, I know, I've been stuck in this joint for too long."

"Uh-huh," she eyed him tentatively before setting the salad trays on the table.

"So," he said, scrutinizing her more intently, "How was your surgery?"

At the mention of surgery, her face lit up, much to his relief, and she went on to describe Hunt's surgery she got to assist on— suture buy suture. He loved seeing her like that, reminiscent of their first surgery together and her enthusiasm that never seemed to go away until now.

"…how was your day?" she finished, but got rather irked that he was just staring at her.

"Derek?"

He sighed, "Nothing, I just…miss surgery" _Surgery with you._

A simple statement like that carried secret messages that only they can convey. Meredith finally answered with a smile that reached her eyes. They nearly finished their salads when Meredith's pager summoned her back to Hunt's service.

"I uhm..gotta go.. thanks for lunch," she rambled.

Derek just laughed at her remark saying, "You're the one who brought the food, why are you thanking me?"

She smiled in response, simultaneously pulling her lab coat back on and headed towards the door, "I don't know, I just…" Before she left, she called his name and said, "Could you page me? When you have the time? It's just that… I need to talk to you."

"Of course, I'll be looking for you tonight." He replied, and with that she was out the door.

Derek turned around to catch a glimpse of his wife making her way through the hustle and bustle of Seattle Grace Mercy West. _Could she finally tell me about Richard?_

With that he stood up and cleared the table, continuing his chiefly duties. He's got the love of his life and the job he'd come to Seattle for. It was all he wanted. He just had to remind himself most of the time.

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_A/N: Okay. Phew. I'm done with Ch2. For all you McBaby enthusiasts out there, I know you're dying to see some baby drama. Well, truth be told, I am too. Hehe. I'll get there soon. The next chapter would be told from Mer's perspective and picks up from this chapter. I hope you don't get too confused with the timeline. I'll get back to the continuation of the very first chapter….later on. My chronological skills prove me right that I really suck at arithmetic concepts. Which is why I nearly failed Algebra, if it weren't for my stellar reputations *insert toothy grin.* _

_Chief Derek was interesting to write. I hope I didn't steer away from the real McDreamy too much. Well, what the heck, this is me, rambling about testing the waters in fanfiction. I hope I don't creep you out.  
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_Anyways, as what I've been saying, school is loaded with pre-clearance stuff and exams, so I'm gonna be really, really, REALLY busy. Plus I'm taking up journalism this summer. So I'll try to squeeze in updates maybe once or twice a week. I dunno. But I'm still open to the possibilities __ :) Just PM me or mail me if you have suggestions for this fic. I told you guys I'm a freaking novice at this stuff. But thanks again to you guys who took a peek at my story. Very much appreciated. Again, read & review ;) _

_ --cheerios,_

_ May  
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	3. Caught Off Guard

_A/N: I know it's been a while, so I'm sorry for the late update; like I said school-end clearance stuff and other things in between. Truth be told, I'm still catching my breath. Anyways, I hope you appreciate this chapter. It was kinda tricky to write._

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**Chapter 3: Caught Off Guard**

The trip from Derek's office to the OR took longer than she thought, since, after a few steps, she began to feel nauseous and her previously ingested salad had decided to make a comeback. By the time Meredith was scrubbing in, she began to feel oddly disjointed. Inside the operating room, Owen Hunt was already elbow-deep inside a patient's body, which left a surprise guest to acknowledge her arrival.

"So nice of you to join us, Grey," Miranda Bailey's eyes sent daggers towards her, "We paged you _minutes_ ago. But since you've decided to grace us with your presence, here—retract." Bailey was definitely pissed off when she handed the retractor to Meredith.

"Sorry, Dr. Bailey, Dr. Hunt…I uhm… had to make a quick stop." She closed her eyes and willed the nausea to subside—the mental picture of her salad and the bathroom stall not helping her any.

Meredith joined the two Doctors and did what was asked of her. But she knew something else was irking _the Nazi _since she continued to nonchalantly bark at her while holding the suction. She tried to imagine that her mentor wasn't constantly throwing intense, furtive glances at her direction, without any success at all.

*************

Earlier that morning, Miranda Bailey was clearing up the ER from the first wave of the freeway accident. All of the residents proceeded with their assigned cases except for a handful that were left in the pit; Cristina Yang was doing sutures (_no wonder Altman looked appeased),_ and a very fussed Meredith Grey was at the station balancing charts on her hip while struggling with her phone. Dr. Bailey was somehow relieved to see familiar faces, because until now, she too agreed that most of the Mercy Westers were _blithering idiots _and _brown-nosing suck-ups. _She grinned to herself at that thought. At least now she was stuck with _her _suck-ups.

"Okay," she announced, "I need someone to run my pre-ops befo— Yang?" She was cut off by Cristina's hand that shot up at breakneck speed. "I could do it, I'm done. I'm totally done here, Dr. Bailey I could handle them," Dr. Yang declared, much to the obvious disdain of her patient.

"_Suck-ups," _she muttered under her breath, "Alright, Yang. Finish up first."

She motioned to the remaining residents, "As for the rest of you, you should go get lunch or something. The next wave of casualties won't be here any sooner, and you'll be paged for surgeries. I don't want your interns running amok."

Miranda approached the still struggling Meredith and snapped her out from her mobile brawl. "Grey, hand me those charts and go eat something."

"Thank you, Dr. Bailey." Meredith obliged with a wink and followed the other doctors out of the pit.

*************

A few hours to the present, Meredith and Miranda were left to close up as Dr. Hunt was paged 911 to one of the trauma rooms. They were soon scrubbing out together. But Meredith was getting apprehensive since Dr. Bailey had stopped hurling insults halfway through the surgery. She wasn't even looking at her; and there was an extra edge to her bouncy strut back to the scrub room. She'd learned how to read her female mentor over the years, _this is bad, _she thought. You could cut the tension between them with a ten blade.

She broke the silence while they were washing their hands.

"I'm really sorry, that was I late, Dr. Bailey. I…had to go to the bathroom," _that was lame, _she winced. But hey, it was the truth.

Miranda gave her that 'do-you-really-think-I-care' look and ripped her scrub mask off her face. By experience, Meredith knew she was about to explode in a matter pf seconds.

"See me at my office, Grey. Immediately," came a surprisingly deadpan response from Miranda.

Stunned, Meredith waited until she was sure that Bailey was a good few meters away from the OR before she stepped out into the hallway.

********

_Dr. Miranda Bailey, MD _

_General Surgery_

Meredith lingered outside the monogrammed office door a little while longer before she hesitantly stepped in. Bailey's deserted office was almost identical to the one Derek used to have. It was small, but at least it didn't resemble a fish tank with telling glass walls on two sides. She sank on the couch amidst the spare lab coats and charts, intently eyeing the calendar on the desk, while her hand drifted absent-mindedly to her lower abdomen. Triggering her inner ramblings, she quickly withdrew.

_Just take a damn test already. _She thought. Truthfully, if her suspicions were right and she was in fact, _pregnant, _she wouldn't know how to react. Until she peed on a stick or something, she didn't want to think about it. _Cross the freaking bridge or whatever when you get there_. She had a lot on her plate as a junior resident and she didn't even want to start on Derek's looming absence. She did feel kind of _different _and to top it off, she was really, really late—which left her partially convinced_. _All she had to do was to take a damn pregnancy test or blackmail one of her interns to draw some blood work for her. Then again, she mockingly congratulated herself for not freaking out in the face of a possible pregnancy. _The old Meredith would bolt and retreat… well the old me wasn't married yet. _Subconsciously, this was something that she knew would come along…_just not now, and not like this._ Not with her and Derek co-existing in different spheres of concern.

She stood up too quickly and regretted it. All of a sudden, gravity felt like a flash of a really bad migraine as she sat down again. Her eyes drifted back to the calendar, then the picture frame on its right. _Baby Tuck. _At least Bailey managed. She juggled a baby, residency, fellowships and….divorce. She grimaced, regretting her analogy right away. Although with her and Derek both being medical professionals, it makes it different from Bailey and her marriage, _right? _Suddenly, the thought of Derek forced her to remember that Richard was supposed to call her. She dipped her hand inside the pocket of her lab coat and frowned before she felt her stomach drop. _Crap._

At that exact moment the door burst open, revealing a still deadpan Dr. Bailey. Meredith stood up abruptly again, but managed to balance herself by shifting her weight on her feet.

"Sit down," barked Dr. Bailey.

Meredith's face was drained of colour now that she was half sure of what placed her in this predicament. _Crap. Crap. Crap._

Dr. Bailey stood behind the desk and eyed Meredith with an exhausted kind of impertinence before she slowly dropped the bomb.

"You left your damn cell phone on the station counter this morning."

_Crap. _

She responded with her mouth slightly agape, which finally fuelled the Nazi's delayed outrage.

"You left your DAMN cell phone on the counter. In the PIT, did you hear me Grey? " Bailey bellowed, emphasizing her point. She was on full _Nazi_ mode now.

Meredith literally felt like throwing up, but she figured that it would piss Dr. Bailey even more if she threw up in fine carpeting. Miranda had her eyes closed now, and through gritted teeth, she said, "Guess who called."

A very pregnant pause followed. Meredith sank deeper into the cushions of the couch and lightly pinched the upper bridge of her nose.

"You have been talking to Richard Webber? All this time after he went Houdini on the entire hospital, you have been talking to him," Meredith responded with a sigh.

"It's no big deal, he just started calling the other day," she finally spoke.

"Which bags the question," Bailey asked as she sat down, "Why is he calling you?"

"He just wanted to check on the hospital," the other woman answered honestly.

"Then tell me this, why did he chose to call you, and not _me_; why not Jennings or anyone from the board of directors?" Bailey almost banged Meredith's cell phone on the desk when she handed it over to her.

"What did Richard say to you?" Meredith asked.

Bailey regarded her former intern, "He said 'I'll see you soon, Miranda'." At this time Meredith's pager went off; it was Derek, just as he promised when he had the free time. She decided to ignore it for a while; she could talk to her husband after she sorted this with Bailey. "Aren't you going to get that?"

"No, it's—it's just Derek," she sighed.

"_Uh-huh_, first you secretly confide with the _ex-chief_, now you secretly ignore a page from _the chief_." Miranda glared, "By the way, does your husband know about this?"

Meredith mouthed a 'no,'"All he knows is that Richard has been calling."

"Meredith," Miranda addressed her first name, which caught her attention, "is he really coming back?"

Meredith simply nodded. The first time Richard called was like a greeting from a long lost friend, the second was more like a surgical lesson via phone; and the last ones expressed his intentions of a comeback; apparently, he and Adele straightened things out and patched their relationship. Richard Webber was recovering from his backlash at an impressive pace and she was glad to hear about it until the last phone call gave her the jitters. _He's coming back. And he's ready to fight Derek back for his position. _

That much she explained to Bailey, before she retrieved her cell phone and turned towards the door.

"Grey," her mentor stopped her, "there are pregnancy test kits in the supply closet down the hall."

Meredith frowned, "Wh-what are you…?"

"I read your memo—by accident of course," Bailey pointed at the cell phone in her hand. She was smiling now, "I find personal reminders with annoying alarms disconcerting now that you mentioned it."

Once again, Miranda Bailey caught her off guard. She did set an annoying alarm for the reminder. _Crap._

"Look," Miranda stood up and approached her, "Don't worry too much about Derek and Richard, they'll come around soon."

Meredith scoffed, "What, you think when he comes back and claims his throne, Derek is just gonna let him without a fight? And Richard wouldn't be pulling the guilt card against Derek? It's not okay, Dr. Bailey, it's messy, and I can't do anything about it."

Bailey eyed her intently and softly planted one hand on her hip, "True, that much you can't do anything about, but why don't you deal with your _other _personal matters in the mean time," she smirked, "The chief is having a hard time. He needs something to look forward to."

"Thank you, Dr. Bailey," she smiled apprehensively.

With that, she exited the office and made a mental note to finally grab a test from the said closet. Right now she needed to find Derek—but what should she say to begin with?

******

Back in the chief's office, two other attendings were having an intense exchange.

"No! Surgery is not an option," Arizona Robbins quipped, and by the looks of it, was already nearing tears, "Even if it is, the extent of her injuries gives it a higher risk."

"If I don't get in there, it'll only aggravate the damage from the collision," Owen Hunt wasn't backing down either, "How could you suggest against surgery when..."

"It's not an option!" She cut him.

It was getting hard to take Arizona seriously with that tiny plush bear hanging on her stethoscope, Derek desperately thought. These two have been bickering for at least half an hour, and in all honesty, he was feeling kind of sorry for Arizona, having to fight Hunt and all.

"She's _my_ patient, Chief!" Hunt barked.

"She's a _peds _patient," Robbins protested, "She's my patient too as much as yours."

"Okay, okay," Derek halted the two, "I've been reading this girl's medical file while the both of you are too busy shooting each other down." The attendings both opened their mouths in protest, "Enough," the chief commanded, "Surgery _is _an option; a necessity at that," Derek cut the now triumphant Hunt, "But Dr. Robbins has a point," He explained, "You two need to work together on this case, both of you will operate on this girl."

"But chief…" Arizona's authority issues were clearly getting the best of her.

"End of discussion," Derek bellowed while a soft knocking came into focus, "Come in."

It was Dr. Grey, _little Grey _at that.

"Excuse me chief, I just need to steal Dr. Robbins and Dr. Hunt," Lexie fidgeted.

"Please," he scoffed, "take them. They're all yours."

Lexie smiled while Hunt and Robbins looked incorrigible. "Dr. Grey," he addressed, "I'll reassign you to patient 1446,"

He added as Lexie took the chart from him, "Make sure that Dr. Hunt and Dr. Robbins are _civil _towards each other."

The three doctors left him to continue the remainder of his administrative duties, which by now, was already the last thing on his mind. _"It's just that… I need to talk to you."_ He paged his wife a few minutes ago, somewhere between Arizona's glassy eyes and Hunt's angry veins that appeared on his forehead. There was still no sign of her. Feeling peachy to finally see Meredith, he stepped out of his office in search for a sign of the dirty blonde hair; more and more curious and anxious about what she was going to say.

*****

Derek found his target in the resident's lounge, which, at that time, was completely deserted save for the both of them. She was facing her cubby and was fixing her scrubs. He lingered at the doorway as he watched her tend to her personal belongings.

Unaware of the piercing blue eyes that were fixated on her, Meredith was glad to have listened to Bailey. She grabbed a home pregnancy test kit on her way to the lounge; now she knew the box was neatly stuffed at the bottom of her canvas bag; but she'll need to get back to it later. _Back to saving lives, _she thought. She turned around and almost gasped in shock to see her husband leaning on the door frame.

"You didn't answer my page," his smile was slowly being replaced with a more pensive look.

"Bailey was talking to me in her office," she explained as she sat down on the bench.

Searching his eyes for any suspicions, she smiled, "How long have you been standing there?"

He shrugged, "Only for a few seconds," Meredith sighed inwardly with relief, "Why?"

"Nothing," She breathed.

Derek stepped closer, his tired expression doing something to her insides, "When were you going to tell me?"

She panicked, "About what?"

He said nothing in the briefest of seconds as he joined her on the opposite side of the bench, much like what they did more than a year ago, when, at this very same room, they exchanged vows by what many people think, in an unorthodox way, "About Richard," he finally said.

"Oh," Meredith responded, disappointment evident in her tone, and reflected in her eyes. Although Derek had no lead to follow the source of it and it went unnoticed. "I… wasn't going to tell you about Richard."

She thought she was imagining it, but she did see a shadow of anger in his handsome face, "You're doing this again?" Her eyes widened in disbelief, "You're letting him hide behind you? What he did was unforgivable, Mer."

Maybe it was her husband's reckless choice of words, or maybe her own for that matter, nonetheless, she felt a lump in her throat that came unexpectedly. "I wasn't going to tell you, not yet, but…"

"He's getting to you again," He was angry now, his soft voice laced with resentment; his guilt susceptible to spark a guttural disdain for the same man who nearly pinned them against each other.

"Derek," She almost choked, "That's not the point. I wanted to talk to you about _us; _not about anybody else." She was clearly holding back the sudden rush of emotions, that much he noticed, "I'm doing it again? It's you who's letting him get to you."

Derek was speechless, and he had to admit, he didn't see that coming and Meredith was struggling with her own emotions; a frantic page snapped them out of what was supposed to be an intimate encounter. "I have to take this, it's a 911," she simply said, as she stood and gingerly pecked him on the forehead and left him to think.

She was supposed to tell him about a _possible _change. She even was hopeful that the very _possibility_ would give the both of them hope and some perspective. But instead, the very _possibility _of this twist in their lives was overshadowed by her husband's professional concerns. The man she kissed a while ago was still hiding behind the shadow of his guilt. _He's not ready, _she thought as a stray tear escaped. It wasn't a ring thrown in her face, but this time it was most likely _possible _that it wasn't just about the two of them anymore; and that completely caught her off guard.

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_A/N: So our girl's being emotional, and Derek's been acting like a basket case ever since she mentioned Richard calling for the first time. BTW, they've just shown "Valentines Day Massacre" in my country this week (they switch to season 5 every other week which is really frustrating) ; it's the first time I've watched the episode, so it's really confusing. But I loved that scene with Mark and Derek in the OR gallery ("It's what you always wanted"). I think it's just a matter of time before we see a major MerDer storyline. I can't wait. Anyways, what did you think? Please don't forget to drop in your reviews and suggestions; they're much appreciated _

_--May _


	4. See You Soon

**Chapter 4: See You Soon**

_Lights. Blinding lights. She was lying on an operating table._

"_No running," she heard Derek's voice out of nowhere. _

_She sat bolt upright, and the next thing you know, she was running as fast as she could; cutting corners, sprinting through the hallways, just to get as far away from the OR as possible. Exhaustion made everything all fuzzy and hazy around the edges. She felt like she was floating. Meredith passed the deserted tunnels and the gurneys. She was getting nauseous now; but she was already there. She was done. The red sign card reassured her. She used to visit the Nursery when she was having a bad day. She looked at the glass windows and felt her eyes widen in shock._

_George._

_George was in the nursery. He was tenderly coddling a little bundle when he saw her._

_He smiled. Meredith saw his smile for the first time in a long while. She noticed him gesturing towards the door. "Meredith." She stepped into the nursery, the smell of newborn skin wafted though her nostrils, but no babies were there save the little one in her friends' arms. _

"_Meredith," she heard him say, "What took you so long?" She frowned, but somehow, she couldn't find her voice. "I hope you don't mind," he stepped closer, the child gently squirming in his arms, "She looks just like you."_

_She stepped closer and closer taking in every detail._

_George was just about to place the infant in her waiting arms, when suddenly; a sharp twinge in her lower abdomen made her double over in pain. She looked up and instead of seeing George and the infant, she saw Derek, worry and fear written in his face._

"_Meredith!"_

Meredith woke up with a start. Her exhaustion-induced nightmare caused her to bolt. She was panting now; her hair sticking uncomfortably on her pallid skin. _Curse these on-call rooms. _She was up all night throughout the wee hours assisting in Hunt's surgeries. "_All that adrenaline," she groaned. _Then she joined Altman's cardio service all day long. Truth be told, she was glad to have had the distractions. It kept her mind off of unpleasant encounters; specifically the one she and Derek had yesterday. But now, waking up in beads of sweat and feeling utterly feverish left her with no choice but to dwell on it. She glanced at the wall clock, (_8 pm already?)_ and decided that it wasn't something she wanted to revisit. She slowly got up and fixed her hair into a messy pony tail, swung her lab coat on and entered the empty hallway.

Her neck was still stiff from tossing and turning and her legs almost felt like jelly. She really needed to go home. "_First I have to kill Cristina for not waking me up," _she groaned as she made a beeline for the resident's lounge. Munching on an apple, Alex Karev stopped her at the nurse's station.

"Whoa, big Grey," he wolf whistled, "Someone woke up on the wrong side of the bunk bed. I swear to god they need to change those mattresses—preferably with _softer_ material."

"Hey, Alex," she sighed, "Have you seen Cristina?"

He shrugged, "I saw her name on the OR board. Scrubbed in on Altman's CABG."

_Why that little.... _"What a junkie," she scoffed, "I told her to wake me up in an hour!"

"I wouldn't blame her," he said, "I'd kill for a CABG these days."

"Ugh, I've been operating all day. My fingers feel numb." Feeling queasy, Meredith walked past Alex and sank into one of the unoccupied chairs. Alex took another bite from his apple before he regarded his roommate, "You look like crap."

"Thanks," she smiled, sarcasm evident in her tone, "You don't look so bad yourself."

"Yeah, I was babysitting for Robbins all day," he mumbled.

"How exhausting," she mocked her friend.

"So," he chided, "Where you off to?"

"Home," she grunted, "hopefully. I'm off in a few hours, but I think I should go now." Meredith released her struggling ponytail, "I don't feel so good."

Alex chortled, "Talk about stating the obvious."

"Shut up," Meredith rested her head in between her hands, "I don't suppose you've seen Derek anywhere, have you?"

He threw his apple, or what's left of it, in the nearby trashcan before answering, "I heard there's a big meeting in the main offices," he continued, "Oh yeah, that Mercy Wester was trolling the lounge a while ago. 'Guess she was looking for you."

She smiled inwardly. _Kepner, Derek's annoying PA of a resident. _"Uh-huh," she said, "I wonder why."

Both Alex and Meredith knew that today was a slow day. After the rush of the previous hours, now everything seemed to groggily drag on. Only the comfortable silence between them stopped her from grabbing her things in the lounge, meanwhile, Alex has checking his patient's charts.

"I assume Shepherd's gonna be staying here for a while," he threw in. Meredith responded with a fervent nod.

He had an inkling that the dark circles under Meredith's eyes had nothing to do with marathon surgeries; heck, they were surgeons, they gave fatigue the finger. He didn't intend to pry, but he saw a teary-eyed Meredith leave the lounge followed by a really confused Derek last night. It didn't take a Harper Avery to figure out that Derek's career path was already taking its toll on them.

She finally stood up, "I'd better be going; if I plan to leave at all." She looked exhausted, bone-deep exhausted and Alex wanted to make it up to her, even just a little bit.

"Tell you what," he said, feeling a little sympathetic now, "Why don't you leave your husband a message, and I'll go drive you home. You're in no condition to go alone."

"But…"

"But nothing," he cut her off, "You look like you're going to shut down any minute now. Plus I need to check on something in the house. Change out of your scrubs and I'll meet you in the lobby." With that, Alex took off, "I'll see you in a few minutes!" He called back.

Her head was throbbing now while she chanted silent _thank you's _for Alex's sudden chivalrous act. She thought she must've looked like hell to get Alex to drive for her.

Truthfully, she did.

Meredith bumped into Dr. April Kepner on her way to Derek's office. Apparently, the big meeting wasn't showing any signs of culmination. Some of the bitterness towards her husband was lightly alleviated after the mousy Kepner handed over the keys to Derek's BMW and explained that before the emergency meeting, "Chief Shepherd'" intended to "take her home himself." She met Alex in the lobby shortly as agreed; soon they boarded the car and drove against the heavy Seattle downpour.

Further into the intersection, Meredith was fighting off the drowsiness. Alex was right; she wasn't in any condition to go alone. She opted to stay in the backseat so she could at least recline her tired feet.

"Texting while driving, huh," she pointed out, looking for an aversion from falling asleep, "Isn't that illegal?" Alex groaned, "Not until you're caught. I thought you were sleeping."

"I can't sleep," she sighed, her nightmare still lingering behind her eyelids. Meredith tried to focus on the soft yellow streetlights, but since it made her drowsier, she shifted her attention towards Alex's Blackberry.

"You've been texting since we left the parking lot," she pointed out, "Who are you talking to at this hour?"

"Just…someone" he blurted dismissively, although at the back of his mind, he hoped this someone would at least put a smile on her face.

Meredith feigned a cough, "Someone, huh."

"Yes," Alex insisted, "Someone."

"We're almost there," he added.

Once they got home, Meredith automatically sank on the couch, while Alex disappeared upstairs. After slightly recovering from the ride home, Meredith stood up and headed towards her empty room.

There were various articles of clothing strewn on the floor, books and journals on the coffee table, and the covers were leaking out of the bed, _just as she left it_. She tried to bend down and tidy up, but the nausea came back with a vengeance, pulling her to the bathroom in a flash.

By the time she reached the toilet, her throat began to burn as she spat out the icky bile. She felt more feverish than she had for the past few days.

Alex peeked in the bathroom upon hearing her release the contents of her stomach, and sure enough, he found her kneeling in front of the toilet. "Mer," he joined her, holding her hair back as she continued to blow uncomfortably, "You wanna lie down?"

"No," she coughed as Alex pulled some tissue for her to wipe her mouth with, "its going away now, thanks."

She stayed rooted to the bathroom floor for a few minutes before Alex stood up. "Here," he grabbed her hand, "I'll help you up."

"Thanks, Alex."

He twitched once side of his mouth into a quick smile, "You can thank me later. I have to go back to the hospital."

"Take the car," she offered.

"Alright, then," he agreed as he helped her back to the master's bedroom, "You sure you'll be okay?

She nodded, "Yeah, I'm feeling better already."

"Take care of yourself, Mer," he said before heading downstairs.

Meredith waited for the gentle revving of the car's engine before she retrieved the pregnancy test kit from her canvas bag. She slipped into her red terrycloth robe and scurried into the bathroom. _Truth time, she sighed. _After she'd done the deed, she placed the test on the sink, and sat on the toilet, waiting, and waiting still, for a grueling 5 minutes.

She continued to stare at the sink until, much to her surprise; the door burst open and pulled her out of her trance.

"Izzie!" she gasped, "You scared the hell out of me."

Izzie Stevens managed a tentative smile at Mer's initial shock. Now she was scrutinizing her intently; despite the weather, Izzie looked fresh, _as usual._

"Hi," Izzie said awkardly, "I was in the neighborhood, so I decided to drop by."

"Okay…" Meredith started, "How did you…".

"I still have a key, remember?" Izzie cut in, flashing her cherished house keys that she failed to return.

"Oh," Meredith half-pouted.

"What are you doing in the bathroom?" Izzie asked.

"Nothing," she said, "just…getting ready for bed."

"You're sitting on the toilet," Izzie frowned.

There was a brief moment of awkward silence; Izzie just leaned against the doorframe, while Meredith stayed transfixed on the toilet, both of them unwilling to move. Meredith was happy to see her friend but she also wanted to kick her out of the bathroom immediately because of her impeccable timing. Since she showed no signs of budging, Mer just kept shifting her eyes from the sink to an unexpectedly speechless friend.

"So," she said, "Does Alex know you're here?"

Izzie smiled her signature grin, "Yeah, I asked him if there was anybody home 15 times and kept saying no, then he finally said you were here. He's probably avoiding me…"

Meredith kept on listening to Izzie's own brand of hysteric rambling. Although seeing Izzie like this was always mildly entertaining, she was still anxious about the white stick on top of the sink. She darted her eyes every few seconds while bravely keeping a polite smile plastered on her face; but more than five minutes had already passed and she was anxious enough already to the result.

"Izzie, enough," she snapped at her. "You're rambling. You sound more like me right now. Why don't you go down stairs, and I'll… catch up with you."

"Alright," Izzie said. Seeing Meredith freak out always made her giggly. "Why are you so jumpy tonight?"

It was then that Izzie turned around and caught a glimpse of the white stick on the sink and began to stare at it intently with wide twin pools of brown curiosity. Meredith noticed and all the anxiety got the best of her.

"Iz…"

"Holy shit," Izzie exclaimed, "Is that a pregnancy test?"

"Izzie," she called, seeing Izzie grab the test from the sink. Her heart was pounding in her chest.

"Mer," Izzie's brow furrowed as she closely examined the stick, "There are two pink lines."

"Two?" Meredith half-whispered, more to herself.

"Yeah, two" Izzie's eyes widened as she stifled a chuckle, "Holy shit, you're pregnant."

Meanwhile Meredith let out a nervous laugh.

"You're _pregnant?_" Izzie gawked. "I can't believe this."

Soon enough, in true Izzie-fashion, the two were bursting out in fits of laughter, the news just sinking in. Meredith snatched the stick from Izzie and she saw the two pink lines. _She was really pregnant. _The white stick in her hand confirmed what she already suspected. The realization made her dizzy, but she was gripping her sides in choking laughter at Izzie's impulsive reaction and vice-versa.

Izzie slapped her knees, "Dark and twisty Mer," she said in between giggles, "I wouldn't have guessed."

"Oh, God," she laughed, "Oh, no."

Izzie was on the floor now, "I'm sorry," she let out, "I'm sorry. Ohh, I'm doing it again, God, no."

Meredith chortled, "I can't breathe."

"I know," Izzie chorused, "I'm so sorry Mer."

The last time they shared a laughing moment close to this in her bathroom was when Callie peed in front of them, stark naked. Now, a lot seems to have changed over the years; Izzie nearing the end of her marriage, and Meredith starting over a new chapter with Derek.

When the laughter started to dry out, they were both sitting on the floor, the pregnancy test still in her hands. Izzie took deep breaths, her cheeks fully flushed and Meredith was wiping the corners of her eyes— which were strangely moist.

"Are you actually crying?" Izzie asked incredulously.

A more intense bout of giggles followed. Meredith genuinely thought Izzie's remark was funny, but her realization switched on something deep inside her; something that stung her eyes. The sudden burst of emotion flooded and she was powerless to stop it. In between their giggles, Meredith's voice broke into a soft sob.

"Oh, god," Izzie sighed, still oblivious, "I'm sorry."

"It's okay," Meredith sniffed. The true awkwardness of the situation dawning. She let Izzie see the tears streaming steadily down her cheeks.

"Oh, Mer," she hushed. _She was crying. _Meredith was actually crying in front of her. She never saw Meredith shed tears freely; not when Addison showed up, not when her mother died, not when George died—she was the strong one. But seeing Meredith Grey in such a vulnerable—_fragile—_ state forced her to set aside whatever crap she was going through with her husband. No wonder Alex insisted for her to drop by and look after Meredith.

Izzie rubbed soothing circles on her back as they sat on the bathroom floor, her mind drifting back to when this woman trying to control her tears successfully peeled off that pink prom dress off of her. Meredith was starting to get a hold of herself now, but this whole pregnancy thing completely took her by surprise ever since the first day she suspected it.

"I don't really know why I'm acting like this," Meredith said bitterly.

"I'd blame the hormones," Izzie replied, "They make you go crazy."

"Mer," Izzie whispered, "Why don't we go to your room and talk about this? I'll even help you tidy up a bit." Izzie was smiling encouragingly.

"Okay," Meredith said, wiping the corners of her eyes.

In a matter of minutes, they were in Meredith's bedroom.

As she promised, Izzie tidied up _a bit, _which, by her standards, was to render everything within her range spic and span. Meredith was busying herself with her phone, trying to contact Derek _just to stop Izzie from ranting._

"His phone's turned off," Meredith sighed in defeat.

"Keep trying," Izzie insisted as she arranged the trashy magazines on the bookshelves. "Seriously, Mer, after all this time, your house is still as messy as a youth hostel."

Meredith rolled her eyes at her comment. "That's what you're here for."

"Precisely," Izzie sing-songed. "But what about when I move to Tacoma?"

Meredith sat up from the bed, "Tacoma?"

"Yeah, Tacoma." Izzie smiled nostalgically. "I took the job offer, remember?"

"But what about…"

Izzie scoffed. "Alex?" Then she sank down on the bed beside Meredith. "Well, it's time to move on, I guess."

Meredith was looking directly at Izzie's eyes, searching for any sign of tears, but they were only a little moist, plus Izzie was half-smiling—more to mutually pine for her approval than to show guilt, remorse, regret, or any kind of emotion in particular.

"Izzie," Meredith urged her to go on.

"I think I want a divorce," Izzie simply stated, her eyes locked on Meredith's.

They both said nothing. What were you supposed to say in a situation like this? Instead of blindly uttering words of comfort, Meredith took Izzie in her arms, both of them silently acknowledging how their little family has changed—for better or for worse, they'll never know.

"I miss George," Izzie said, knowing that it meant more than that.

Her nightmare still fresh from her memory, Meredith simply replied. "I miss him too. I miss all of us."

They stayed like this for the briefest of seconds, before Izzie sat up and wiped a stray tear from her cheeks. "So, I have to leave now. My mom's expecting me at her place by morning."

"Do you really have to go now?" Meredith asked. "You know you could always spend the night here."

"No," Izzie stood up and walked over to her side. "I really have to go."

Izzie scrutinized her 'Dark and Twisty' friend one last time; she looked different. They were all different now. She contemplated how Meredith's mere presence and support made her feel a little better. She gave her a big hug and whispered to her ear, "You'll make a fantastic mom, Mer." Meredith breathed in Izzie's words and found herself genuinely smiling, thankful for her family, no matter how far they seem to drift away from each other.

Izzie took one last glance at Mer's spotless room and headed towards the door.

"Hey, Mer," Izzie called back. "Heads up."

She threw her keys to a chuckling Meredith, who thankfully, caught it just in time.

"I'll see you soon, Iz!"

Izzie bellowed back from the hallway, "See you soon, Mommy!"

* * *

_A/N: I know it's been ages. So sorry. I'd blame Journalism classes and frequent traveling. Anyways, the next chapter will continue the normal timeline of the first chapter (An Empty Space). BTW, I'm also working on a new GA fic:] The only clue I'll give for now is : Time Traveler's ____ . Interest_ed? _Let me know..._


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